Amnesia isn't cool
by EdgarCaskett22
Summary: Kate Beckett can't remember anything about her former life, will Castle be able to help her regain her memories? AU about midway Season 3.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- **I do not own Castle: I't s characters or locations, sadly. This story is set around season three, before Beckett was shot, and before they started their relationship. It is of course, AU.

**Amnesia isn't Cool**

Chapter 1

An attractive woman with auburn hair, in her late-twenties early-thirties, woke up in a room. She looked around and the room seemed unfamiliar to her. Its walls were white and boring. A television was hanging up in the corner. A bouquet of Daises lay on the window sill; she could still smell their fragrance. A handsome man sat in the seat next to her bed, he himself just noticing her.

"Kate…Kate, you're awake. Are you okay? I was worried." The man said quickly.

The woman just looked at him, confused. "Who's Kate?"

"You are, silly, don't you remember?" The man said lightheartedly.

"I...don't remember!" The woman cried.

"You're Kate Beckett, and I'm Richard Castle. You usually call me Castle."

She sat there, frozen. "Am I Kate?" She asked finally.

"That's you." The man smiled at her, trying to contain the sadness behind his eyes.

"Richard Castle, that name does ring a bell. I can't place it though. How do you know me?"

"We are partners, sort of."

The woman, who found her name was Kate, furrowed her brow. "Sort of?"

"I'm actually a novelist, shadowing you, a detective, for research."

"uh-huh," she didn't believe him.

"Research, I swear. You want me to go get the notes that I've written about you." He stood quickly tuning to leave the room.

Kate grabbed his hand just before it got out of reach of hers. "Don't leave me, I believe you."

The man, wishing to be called Castle, returned to his chair. "You know, there was a time when I thought that this, and by this, I mean memory loss, was a cool idea. I can tell you now; I don't think it's cool at all. Not the way I'm feeling, and not the way I presume you feel as well."

She simply smiled at him.

"We will get your memory back Kate, we will."

"Thank You, Ri...Castle. I don't remember you, not really. I do however know that I can trust you."

It had been several hours, since those first tense minutes after she had first woken up. Castle had explained to her everything about her world that she seemed to have forgotten, much of which she still couldn't comprehend. Even though she did not have her memory, Kate was healthy enough to be discharged from the hospital and sent home. Castle drove her to her apartment, not sure if he should engage her in small talk along the way. The time was instead spent in an uncomfortable silence.

Once at the apartment, Kate looked around to see if the place felt familiar, it did not.

"I don't recognize this place, you sure I live her?"

"Positive, look at all the pictures around here, maybe they will help you jog your memory, and don't worry if you don't recognize the place. Your old place, well you had to move, a few months ago."

She picked up pictures and stared for minutes at each of them, hoping that she would recognize someone in the photographs, even herself, she didn't.

"This is pointless. I don't recognize anyone, not even myself."

"Give it time; you will be right as rain, in no time at all."

Kate scoffed, wiping tears away before they formed fully in her eyes.

"Hey, look at this." Castle had found the bookshelves that housed his early works, as well as a few authors he had never heard of. "I knew you were a fan."

Kate walked over to Castle's location. She put her hands on one of the books, brushing her fingers against the name Richard Castle. "I loved you, I think."

"You loved me?" Castle asked curiously, a spec of hopefulness in his voice.

"Well the author, which you are. I mean, look at this selection, I have to have every book that you ever wrote in here."

"From what I gather, you do."

Kate brushed her fingers across all the novels on the middle shelf, pulling the last one from the shelf. The title 'Heat Wave' got her attention. "Heat? I remember that name...why?"

"It's the character I am basing on you. We had several long discussions about that name, you hated it."

"I think it makes some sense." Kate opened it, reading the dedication. _To the extraordinary K.B. And all my friends at the 12__th__. "_The 12th, the 12th what?"

"Precinct. You're a detective, a damn good one. Why else would I follow you?"

"I can think of a few reasons," Kate looked back at a photo of her and the man who was with her now. It was obvious the way he looked at her in the portrait that he was smitten with her.

"Such as?" Castle pressed her.

"Maybe you're losing your touch," she said, giving him a flirty smile.

"That's the Kate Beckett, I remember." He said without thinking.

"Glad one of us can," Kate said sadly.

"You hungry," Castle quickly changed the subject.

Kate nodded, knowing it was best to drop it.

"I'll make you something, as long as you have actual food in this house."

"Okay," Kate sat down and started to read 'Heat Wave', hoping to get some helpful insights on her own past.

A/N-I posted this once before, but it seems to have disappeared, so I am re-posting it after fixing some errors. Hope you enjoyed Chapter 1, Please Review.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kate Beckett stood alone, surrounded by darkness. She could hear screaming in the darkness, a woman voice that seemed to come from all sides. A river of blood drained from her, trickling down her body. It created a small crimson colored pool at her feet. She felt lightheaded from the loss of blood, but she couldn't help moving around. She tried to listen to where the scream was coming from; she couldn't determine its location. There didn't seem to be anything she could do, although she wanted to, the pain was too great for her to continue onward. She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't scream. Kate could just be, alone in the darkness. A voice stirred her from her pain, from the constant darkness.

"Kate," a man yelled from a distance. "I need you, where are you. You have to help me save her, please."

The voice felt familiar to her, she could not place it inside the vast emptiness that was her mind.

"Where are you," she cried. "I'm hurt, I can't get to you."

_Silence_

"Whoever you are, I can't help you, I can't even help myself."

"Help me, Kate, I need you, where are you?" The voice returned, "Why don't you come to me? Kate!"

"Who is it, tell me who you are."

It was no use, there was only silence and darkness around her, she was alone, she felt she would be for the rest of her life. Why was she alone? They said that they would be there forever. But she was alone. _It wasn't real, this had to be a dream,__ and all she had to do was wake up. __Just wake up, Kate_.

Kate had awoken, drenched in sweat. She was back at her apartment. She was in her bedroom, or what she believed to be her bedroom. Lying next to her was a handsome man, the same man she had been crying out for. At least that was what made the most sense to her, since in her mind; he was all that she knew. Castle must have stayed with her so she wouldn't be lonely when she had woken up, _he was so sweet_, she thought.

She must have fallen asleep reading the book, the last thing she remember before the dream was a steamy scene between Heat and Rook. It didn't take much for her to imagine the scene occurring between herself and Castle, for all she knew it had already. There was an obvious attraction that he was denying himself. She felt it, and it was strong. An idea found its way into her mind. _What would it feel like to kiss him_?

She leaned toward him; his lips seemed to call out to her. She could feel his breath against hers, making her heart race. Their lips met and Kate was filled with a sense of longing bliss in her mind. A flash of memory came to her. A man was talking to her about Castle and why he was following her. 'Why do you think he has been following you around? He's done enough research to write fifty books.' As much as she enjoyed kissing him he pulled her lips from Castles, and found herself back in the present.

It was apparent to Kate that she now had known about his feelings for a while, but she chooses to ignore him. She wasn't sure she liked who she was before, after this realization.

Castle had woken up; he noticed her close to him and edged himself back, realizing finally that she was awake.

"What's going on," he asked her, as she continued to stare at him.

She began to blush, "I had a nightmare. I didn't mean to wake you." She felt a bit guilty, she was telling the truth but not for the right reasons. _Come on, tell him you kissed him_, she thought to herself.

"I…I kissed you," Kate mumbled.

Castle heard it clearly enough, "Why…?"

"I knew that there was something between us, whether we did anything about it or not. I just wanted to know what it felt like."

"That really wasn't fair, Kate, you got to kiss me, but I don't remember anything."

"You can kiss me, if you want. I don't mind."

Castle leaned in, his lips pursed. Kate returned the motion and they met in the middle. This kiss was far stronger than the first kiss she planted on him. He pressed against her, her mind went crazy with flashes of memories of him, picking on her, teasing her, helping her. She ran her hand across his neck, and through his hair. Kate Beckett could stay in this place forever, just him and her. Except reality doesn't work like that, as Castle pulled away.

"I shouldn't, I…you…wouldn't want me to."

"Which is it, you or me?"

"The real you, the Kate with the memories, I hate to say it, but she didn't act like this, she didn't think of me like this."

"I am the real Kate, I do feel like this." Kate replied seductively.

"You know what I mean, maybe we can continue when you get your memory back."

Kate signed, rolling away from Castle.

He knew that he had upset her. He had upset himself, and it was true that he had hoped for this-prayed for it, but when Kate still remembered who he was and why he was around her. This wasn't the way he wanted her, scared and alone, hoping for a connection with the one person that was closest to her. Castle turned to face her alarm clock; it was morning. "Morning already? Where did the night go?" He leaned back toward her, meeting her eyes. "You want to come back to my place? I want to check on Alexis and my mother, see what's going on with them.

"M'okay." Kate rolled out of bed, stretching as her feet reached the floor.

The latch to Castle's Loft turned, a fair skin red head hopped up from her seat at the sound. As the door opened, a stream of red engulfed the already confused Kate Beckett. It was a small framed teenager that was attached to her, squeezing the life from her.

"I'm so glad to see you, Kate. Are you okay?" The teenage redhead asked.

"Alexis, you're crushing her. Let go." Castle suggested to his daughter.

"I'm just so glad that you're okay. You saved my life."

"Yeah, me too." Kate replied, more confused than she was before.

"Alexis, Kate can't remember what happened to her. She has amnesia; I have been trying to help her with her memory, but I haven't been very successful."

Alexis' face turned from ecstatic, to worried, quickly. "Kate?"

"It's true. I don't remember anything since waking up in the hospital. What happened to me?"

Alexis couldn't look at her; she couldn't relive what had happened.

Kate looked back at Castle, "What happened to me?" Tears once again formed in her eyes, beading them back with her finger, she looked back at Alexis, "What happened?"


	3. Chapter 3

Martha Rogers, Castle's mother, had come down to see all the commotion that had caused her to stir from her bed. She had overheard that Kate couldn't remember the events that transpired that made her a hero in her family's eyes, more so than she already was. She heard Kate Beckett continue to plead with the Castle family. She descended the stairs, unnoticed by the rest of the house. It seemed to her that Kate needed to know what had happened to her, no matter what the cost, no matter what it did to her, she needed to know everything.

"Tell me Rick, tell me what happened to me." Kate's eyes burned with resolve, they screamed at him. They pleaded with him to ease the suffering of her mind.

Castle had to take a large gulp, swallowing the lump that had developed in his throat. "Are you sure you want to know?" He was scared of what would happen to her, of what she would do. He worried how she would take the fact that she had saved his daughter.

"No, I don't know anything, that's the point of all this, isn't it? I get that you are worried about me and I understand your concern. I think if I knew what had happened, I would maybe remember something." Kate took a seat on the couch.

Castle and Alexis joined her on the couch, sitting on opposite sides of her. She took Alexis' hand, although she could barely remember the girl, she obviously had an impact on her life. Alexis squeezed her hand tightly, laying her head on Kate's shoulders.

Kate took Richard's hand, stating simply. "I'm ready."

Castle took a deep breath. He was unable to look her in the eyes, so decided to be fascinated by his shoes, he began the story. "I don't know why, but you were on your way over here. You must have had something to talk to me about, which needed to be said in person. It was late, maybe eleven at night. You overheard something, someone's muffled screams. As an officer of the law you decided to investigate the cries, as… it is in your nature… to do so."

Alexis Castle took over, as she noticed her father not able to continue speaking. "I was the one screaming, I had just gotten back from hanging out with Ashley, when a man that I never met came up to me. He asked me the time, I looked down at my watch…and…and…"

Martha continued, as neither her son nor granddaughter could manage. Kate didn't recognize her and jumped when she spoke as she believed they were alone. She did however recognize her as a family member as she had a striking resemblance to the other two. "The man attacked her, shoved her again a building, she cried out, but no one came at first. The man pulled out a knife, startling poor Alexis into silence." Martha batted away tears as she continued. "He cut her coat and ripped it off of her, bruising her in the processes. He slapped her as she continued to scream even louder, struggling to break the man's grasp on her." Martha breathed a heavy sigh.

Kate looked at Alexis; she noticed a barely visible bruise, covered well by makeup. Alexis looked back at her, but then quickly looked away as she realized what it was Kate was looking at.

"That's when you came into the picture," Alexis continued proudly, tears streaming down her face. "You pulled the man off of me before he could do any damage. Unfortunately he also over powered you. He grabbed you by the throat and shoved you against a nearby car. I think you slammed your head against it pretty hard. He finished off by sticking his knife into you. I heard a tear and thought the worst, thought that you had sacrificed your life to save me. The man had run off after that, as he must have realized what he had just done. I took out my phone and called the police, as I checked on you. You were unconscious but breathing. You have no idea how thankful I was for that."

Castle was finally able to look into her dazzling hazel eyes. "She had called me next; I raced down the steps and sprinted around the block where you and Alexis had been attacked. I saw you lying on the ground…and I didn't know what to think, I feared the worst. Thank God for Alexis and for me, I suppose, in an odd way. You had a copy of my new book, 'Cool Heat' on you. I had given you an advanced copy. He happened to stab you right where you had kept the book. The knife only stuck into you about a millimeter, it was some kind of miracle," Castle sighed.

"The paramedics had no luck waking you, and took you straight to the hospital, hoping they could have better luck. I made sure that Alexis was safe back at home in her bed, her Gran at her side. I made my way to the hospital; there I stayed, until you woke up. That was a week ago, and I started to lose hope that you would ever wake up.

"In that time, your team found the man responsible; he is now in jail awaiting trial for what he did. A trial that I for one will definitely be attending," Martha snapped in.

Kate bent over, rubbing her fingers against her temple. She could remember something about that title, "'Cool Heat', that is the name of your new book about 'me' right?"

"Uh…Yeah, but Kate I just told you that you had been stabbed. Don't you think that it is a bit more important than a book title?"

"There is something about that book; I can feel there is a memory on the edge of my mind, what is in it that I would bring it with me to you?"

"Maybe you wanted to critique me on some of the things that Heat did, you always seemed to need to."

"I do remember doing that, you had no shame when it came to her."

"Do you have that book? The one that saved my life?"

Alexis propped up from her seat, "I do, and I kept it with me. It is my little memento of your bravery. I can bring it down, give me a second." Alexis bolted up the stairs to her room, faster than Castle had ever seen her before.

"You think that is the key to your memory loss?" Castle asked Kate, realizing the wrongness of the question, a moment after he asked it.

"You find anything wrong with what you just asked me?" Kate smiled, squeezing his hand in hers.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It didn't take long for Alexis find the memento that she kept safe for Beckett. She wanted to give it to her whenever she would return from the hospital. The book was settled comfortable on her bedside table. She looked at it every night before she went to bed, remembering the sacrifice that Kate had made for her. She rushed back down the stairs, eager to bring down the advanced copy of 'Cool Heat' and place into Kate Beckett's hands.

Kate took the book. She saw 'it' immediately, the edged hollow that was dug into the cover of the book to the other side. She brushed her fingers over the imperfection. It seemed to be only a few inches long, but had gone all the way through the book, _it must have been very long_, she thought to herself. She felt more memories rushing into her, memories of the man attacking Alexis and her rushing to help her, of the knife going into her. She turned the book over to the reverse side, she looked into the eyes of a photo of Rick, it was a head shot. The tear had hit him in the right cheek. She couldn't help but crack a small smile at the irony of it all. He of course would have taken the knife for her in real life as well. She placed her fingers over his face.

"Open it," Castle's voice came from what she almost thought was the book.

"Okay," she replied, opening the cover a crack. "Is there a particular page in question that I would want to share words with you?"

"I can think of only one, page two hundred and ninety four, the last chapter that I wrote.

_The letter was from Rook. The man grabbed her emotions every single day, in both good ways and bad. What was there to say that he couldn't say to her? She picked up the note and began to read: _

_Dear Nikki, I believe I am done with this. Our little adventure has come to a close. We have had our ups and downs, but I always believed that together we could accomplish anything. I was obviously mistaken as the last words you said to me, will be with me forever. Nikki, I had fun playing detective with you, solving cases. I enjoyed being next to you, making love with you._

_ I love you Detective, I want you to know exactly why. I love your undeniable spirit, your concern for those who have been hurt. I am amazed by you every day. You don't let go, you don't back down, that is what makes you extraordinary. That is why I love you Nikki; those simple reasons are why this idiot of a man that you have yelled at plenty of times, has a boyhood crush on you. I wish that I was the right man for you, maybe I will be one day, but that is only a foolish dream that I have. Thank you Nikki, for taking this trip with me through life, even though our encounter may have been a brief pit stop along the way. It will be one that I will hold dear to me forever. Take care of yourself, Detective. I hope to see you one day soon._

_And with that, Nikki knew that Rook was gone from her life once again. She hoped she would find him on day and express what he meant to her as well, if she could ever find the strength in her legs again. What was she waiting for, she had to find him find him and never let him leave her again._

The world on the page and the world she had been living in meshed together in a symphony of words and emotions. She read through the statement that was penned by the man at her side, there was something about this, something so familiar. Flashes of memory she had read this before. It was why she had come to his place, to confront him about the love note. She wanted to know the truth. More so, she wanted him to know the truth about her. Real life just got in the way.

She looked back over at the man that was Richard Castle and saw a trustful man sitting beside her. He was truly a successful author if he could write something so beautiful, so eloquent such a sweet love note to her. She knew that was what it was, it may have been addressed to Nikki Heat, but the author wanted to speak to the real Kate Beckett. He did speak to her, she remembered, she finally remembered everything.

She handed the book back to Alexis, not taking her eyes off Castle. "I remember, I know what happened and why. I remember reading this before and wanting to see you."

"Excuse us, ladies," Castle helped Kate from her seat. "We need to be alone for a moment."

They departed the living room, Alexis and Martha smiled at each other. "You know what's happening, don't you Alexis?"

"Yes Gram, I'm seventeen." Alexis said proudly.

Castle took Beckett to his room and shut the door behind him. "You want to say something to me?"

"I do," Kate put her hand on Castles shoulder. "I want to say…how dare you write that in your novel." Kate's tone turned from sweet to stern.

"What? I thought…"

"I remember everything, everything. I know that you shadow me at the 12th precinct, where I work with Detectives Esposito and Ryan. You help me, annoyingly most of the time, solve murder investigations, better than I ever did alone. I remember you investigating my mother's case without my permission, I also remember us finding her killer, nearly losing you in the process. I remember you writing that letter to me, in that book that everyone can read, and knowing that you wanted to say it to me."

"Kate…I…"

"Shut up, Castle." Kate's hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck, her fingers brushing his hair. She leaned in and went in for a kiss.

Castle returned the kiss with much admiration. This was the real Kate Beckett and she was kissing him. He was overjoyed that Kate had returned to him, enthralled that she truly wanted him too. They parted ways, tears filling both of their eyes. They hugged each other, prepared to never leave one another's side ever again. Their story was far from over, it was only the beginning, and all it took was a single loss for them each to win big in the arms of one another.

They were happy.

**The End**


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